With a heap of papers
& limited time
how can I churn out grades
without provoking whines?

Should I pretend
effort alone counts –
or be honest & acknowledge
ignorance if it's pronounced?

When dealing with such questions
it's best seek the advice of an aged expert:
Jim Beam!

[1 hr. & a few shots of whisky later]

Okay – back to the business of grading!

[clearing throat while leaning on a chair]

Well, this attempt at erudition looks like an "A"
& perhaps this gibberish is a "B".

[shuffling the papers randomly]

These poor constructions are mediocre –
doesn't that translate into a "C"?

[Gerping loudly while dealing with a particularly odious paper]

This piece of plagiarism deserves an "F"
& this document is so lame
that nobody sober could give it a passing grade.

[Pausing in reflection, then clearing throat]

Wait a minute!
If I grade too strictly won't my teacher evaluations fall?
Isn't it safer to give lots of "B"s
so any criticism can be stalled?

[swishing another glass of whiskey while gazing at a stack of papers]

Even if most papers are trash
shouldn't I play it safe?
The less people bitch,
the more time I can devote to
my literary itch:
& don't students adore high grades?