If Dogs Could Talk: An On-the-Spot Interview

by T Newfields

Spot Spot is a bitch from the Bronx. Top dog in her neighborhood and envy of many mongrels, she has mothered a dozen muts over the years and is now semi-retired. This interview was conducted in April 1999 near a fire hydrant in New York.
Tim: Basically, what do you like most about being a dog?
Spot: Well, you can sniff all kinds of things and chase rats. You can also bark a lot and howl at night. And if you do something wrong, you're forgiven quickly. People say "dumb dog" then forget it. Dumb people!
Tim: How did you find your master?
Spot: He found me . . . I was abandoned by my previous owner and put out on the street. One day while shifting through some garbage, my master found me. I guess he has a soft spot.
Tim: Does your master treat you fairly?
Spot: What is fair? That whole concept is defined by humans, isn't it? If you define "fair" as being kept on a leash, given the leftovers to chew on, and getting gelded I am treated fairly.
Tim: How do you deal with cats?
Spot: Generally I ignore 'em. Now and then I chase a few pussies, but that gets boring pretty soon.
Tim: You seem to be a mixed breed. Do people acknowledge your multi-ethnic heritage?
Spot: I'm not concerned with people in general, just my master. And my master loves me for what I am – a pure bitch that knows where to lick.
Tim: How much kinship do you feel with other canines?
Spot: I feel a deep connection with all dogs, particularly those used in lab experiments or sold for meat. So many of us get the raw end of the stick!
Tim: But isn't it a dog-eat-dog world?
Spot: A new age of Canine Awareness is approaching. More and more dogs are sensing their connection with fellow canines. And humans are so foolish – although they pretend to be top dogs of this world, they are pathetic muts.
Tim: Thanks for giving us some thoughts to chew on.
Spot: Make no bones about it!
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Copyright (c) 1999, 2008 by T Newfields. All rights reserved.
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