| Patriot Valley Elementary School Report Card for Clyde Dillybaum (4th Grade / 3rd Semester) |
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| SUBJECT | GRADE | COMMENTS |
| Arithmetic: | D | Good at simple addition and subtraction, but baffled by complexity. Clyde isn't concerned with precision - unless money is involved. Often reluctant to change his answers if they're wrong. |
| English: | C | Isn't into reading or writing. However, speaks with confidence. Must avoid punching those who disagree. |
| Science | C | Interested in worms and insects. Likes mixing chemicals together - especially if they're explosive. Seldom understands what's happening, unfortunately. |
| History: | D | This is not a strong subject for Clyde. He's aware of the FOX News version of recent history. Knowledge of geography superficial. |
| Sports: | B | Fond of rough sports, but cooperative skills underdeveloped. Moreover, Clyde often threatens to kill opposing team members. He claims to be joking - but others aren't so sure. |
| Art: | C | Likes working with clay. Enjoys finger painting. |
| Social Skills: | D | Hangs out with local toughies. Strong ingroup / outgroup mentality. Willing to fight for his beliefs. |
| SUMMARY | The first thing I noticed about Clyde was the American flag tattooed to his forehead. I knew we had a real patriot. The next thing I remember about him when he punched a younger student for criticizing our president. Clyde may not be the brightest dude in class - but he's the most assertive. He always makes sure that people know exactly where he stands and doesn't tolerate criticism. Clyde has a small, but loyal cadre of followers. With a more discipline and effort, he'd make an excellent war criminal. A guy like this is a natural born leader. Who knows? One day he might even lead our proud nation. | |
PRINCIPAL: Wade Waterdown  DATE: March 21, 2006 |
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