Species: Trump Sucker (Taenia Trumpi)
Habitat: Thrives in places with conservative white males and evangelicals,
but willing to latch onto any viable host. This parasite is found
in the stool samples of many middle-class Americans.
Size: Can grow to enormous lengths and likes to brag about its size.
Feeds on: Xenophobia and disinformation are primary food sources. Media coverage
is essential for this attention-craving pest.
Features: Genital area oddly warped. Hairy filaments near the microscopic head.
90% of this creature's energy is devoted to feeding and reproduction.
Predators: Claims that all mainstream media are predatory.
Species: Bush Bug (Coleoptera Brutus)
Habitat: Native to Texas, but infesting many parts of America.
Size: Intellectually small, but with an impressive wing span.
Feeds on: Thrives in "us-vs-them" fearful conditions and "either-or"
thinking environments, especially when oil is abundant.
Features: Very territorial and hierarchical.
Known to destroy "uncooperative" insects
and produce large amounts of toxic waste.
Predators: None, but does poorly in open sunlight.
Prefers shady conditions to operate undercover.
Species: Bin Laden Hopper (Aeoloplides Arabus)
Habitat: Flourishes in dry climates in the Middle East.
Thrives best when volatile mixtures of cash,
oil, and ideology exist.
Size: Larger than life – mythological proportions.
Feeds on: Social injustice and anti-Muslim rhetoric help this species thrive.
Also found in petroleum-rich environments
where capitalistic predators siphon off resources.
Features: Well-camouflaged and often invisible.
Able to hop great distances in a single bound.
Predators: Exists synergistically with Bush Bugs and Trump Suckers:
they both foster and devour each other.
Species: Blair Beetle (Elateridae Brittanys)
Habitat: Native to the UK, but found in many places where
extreme income gaps and pseudo-intellectualism prevail.
Size: Varies depending on media coverage. Usually small and feeble,
but able to inflate size. This small creature is a master of disguise!
Feeds on: Requires significant financial support to flourish. Does
best in media spotlights and places with heavy cash flow.
Features: Adapts to diverse environments, and skilled at
camouflaging its position. Chirps loudly during election season.
Predators: Numerous. Requires camouflage to survive.
Species: Koiizumi Cricket (Acheta Japonica)
Habitat: Originally from Nippon, but found whenever banking and
big business interests coexist.
Size: Micro-transistor size. Compact, but sophisticated.
Feeds on: Thrives on large cash donations, ceremonial gestures,
and nationalistic rhetoric.
Features: Deposits eggs in strategic locations. Popular among
right-winged insects. Coexists favorably with Bush Bugs.
Predators: Dragonflies and midges enjoy devouring this insect.
This species is particularly vulnerable around Shinto shrines.
(yawning) The problem with political satire is that it gets dated so quickly.
Yeah. Today's big shock soon becomes yesterday's distant memory.
The teeth of time shave all words, until eventually all that remains is information entropy.