1. Rejoice among brethren -
the social connections might be useful.
2. Regard gossip as "divine concern"
and rumor as "inspired testimony."
3. Condemn non-believers
for enjoying what you can't.
4. Contemplate the ephemeral nature of life
and the eternal nature of vice.
5. Rejoice in the Spirit -
particularly good ol' Jim Beam's.
6. If your faith is challenged, confess:
"I am just a liddle ol' sinner
an' victim ah Adam's Mistake
But thank's ta Lord Jesus
Everythang's OK!"
Chances are
you'll be warmly welcomed
to most congregations
where kindred spirits reign.
