Glossary of Educational Terms

A Satire by T Newfields

banking concept of education – a concept developed by Paulo Freire implying that only those with substantial money in the bank will get an optimal education.
B-coefficent – a general-purpose index of the level of bureacracy present in an educational structure. A B-coefficent of zero is ideal. At levels above +0.7, formal education becomes counterproductive.
cognitive disequilibrium – anxiety arising from the gap between avowed educational goals and actual practices; often resolved by an anti-depressant.
cooperative learning – a situation in which students cooperate with the teacher by doing what is expected. Also known as "co-opted learning", cooperative learning was a brief educational experiment that failed.
critical thinking – a useful way of inhibiting change by providing detailed analyses by using countless critiques. When the mind is sufficiently numb, it is then easy to make subliminal suggestions.
mainstreaming – a radical approach to indoctrination in which a preferred response is injected directly into a host, usually subcutaneously with a tainted needle. Similiar to "mainlining", which is usually done through the nose.
open-ended question – any question which is apt to get examinees into trouble if they are foolish enough to give a serious answer.
scaffolding – a procedure of placing unsuspecting students on a scaffold, then skillfully removing it.
SMART goals – any objectives that help schools obtain more funding.
transformative education – the process of transforming students into subserviant social roles while maintaining a myth of "free choice".
validity – in test development, the ratio of income that a test generates compared to the expenses needed to develop it.
zone of proximal development – an area at least 500 meters away from any school.